The Bridal Party.

Listening to: EVERYTHING BY DAUGHTER. NEW OBSESSION. OMG.

Hope you're having a good Monday so far, my fraunds. :)


So the situation with the bridal party is much like the situation with the guest list: it's possible that you feel obligated to ask everyone that you know, resulting in an unnecessarily large bridal party. I know that in some cultures it's customary to have a lot of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and to be honest, it doesn't bother me that much. The only problem is if you are a very demanding bride, in which case you're probably asking them to get a very specific dress in a very specific color and a very specific style, which could be very expensive. (If you guessed that 'very' is the word of the day, you guessed right! Congratulations! Give yourself a pat on the back and buy yourself a cookie. You earned it).

If you decide to have a Maid of Honor, then it falls to that person to throw you a shower, which could also be expensive. If you want a Jack and Jill shower, it's customary to have it in a hall, and those are not cheap, unless you pick the slummiest one you can find. Even if you don't have a Maid of Honor, one of your bridesmaids is probably going to throw you a shower. If it's a personal one for just women, then the cost isn't going to be bad, most likely. However, if you want a big one for both you and your soon-to-be-husband, we just go in a loop and we're back to the same renting a hall problem. Of course, if you have a willing friend that offers to let you use their house for your shower, then fantastic. Bear in mind that planning a shower is a lot of work, and a thank you present for whoever throws you one would be a very nice gesture.

Now onto the next part: how many bridesmaids/groomsmen do I have, and who do I ask? Both of those things are entirely up to you. If you have a large group of very close, intimate friends who you really want in to be involved in your wedding, then ask them. However, don't ask someone to be in your wedding because you feel obligated. Just because you were best friends in high school doesn't mean your as close as you were now, and chances are, unless they're SUPER sensitive, they are not going to be bothered if you don't ask them to be in your wedding. Your bridal party should be made up of your best friends and the girls (or boys!) you care about most. Also, if you have someone close to you but you feel like they'd just be too much to have help plan and arrange things, you might want to weigh the cost of your sanity if they were involved. It can be a sticky situation, but ultimately it's your decision whether you ask them or not. I'd say if they are just so intense that you can't deal with it, don't ask them to be a bridesmaid. There are other jobs you can give them.

A very common trend nowadays is to NOT make your bridesmaids all wear the same dress in the same color, and this is something I prefer. Making someone wear a dress that isn't flattering or that they don't like will be unpleasant for them, so consider giving them a color family or shades (i.e. any pastel or any jewel tone) and let them find the dress from there. They're being in your wedding because they care about you and working hard so that your special day is extra special. The least you can do is let them be comfortable and wear something that they think they look beautiful in. Most will ask you your opinion on the dress, so of course you get some say. But don't control everything they do as far as dresses! They will probably resent being harassed about their dresses in the long run.

 

(the above actually looks pretty similar to what my soon to be sister-in-law's bridal party is going to look like). 

Most of all, though, be kind to your bridesmaids and groomsmen. (Check post R-E-S-P-E-C-T). They love you and care about you. Everyone has been stressed out at one point or another, and if you're stressed about your wedding, your friends will understand. But don't abuse that. Apologize if you rip their heads off in the middle of a frenzy about ivory or pure white roses, and be sincere, and try not to do it again. Talk calmly about your stress. Find a friend who will help you laugh it off and then help you out with your decision. Discuss your stresses with your fiance, but please try to be as kind as you can to everyone. Being rude will make the planning process a lot more unpleasant.

I am fortunate enough to be in my brother's wedding, and the bride has overall been very relaxed. Brides, if your fiance has a sister he is very close to, it'd be nice if you asked her to be in the wedding The same goes for grooms with fiances that have brothers they're close to. It will mean a lot to them. I know it meant a lot to me. :) Have a wonderful rest of the day, my dears!

The Decorations.

Good afternoon, guys and dolls! I'm really loving your outfit. You look fantastic. Also, last week's post is below this one! Check it out. :)

So a big part of the wedding reception is the decorations. Obviously the first step is to think of your wedding colors and what you like as decorations. Do you like balloons, tulle, paper flowers, fairy lights, etc? Do you want to make them yourself or buy them?

The possibilities for decorations are endless. My soon to be sister-in-law is doing beautiful things with lace, paper lanterns, tulle, and puffy paper flowers, which we are going to be working on later on tonight. She, her mom, and the rest of the bridal party are hard at work on the decorations and didn't really buy much for decorations, except for the supplies to do it themselves. I think this is a great option if you have the time and resources, unless you are not someone who really likes to do crafts (such as myself). In that case, there are lots of great decorations on the market. My favorites that are the most traditional are flowers, fairy lights, and candles. Using those three are a really nice way of keeping it simple but still very pretty and classy.

But what if you want a little more pop to your wedding? Go for brighter colors and maybe some ribbon around the chairs and along the walls. Paper lanterns are always a nice touch to every occasion. If your wedding is themed, then choose decorations to match.

At my cousin's wedding, they weren't allowed to put anything on the wall, and my brother and his fiancee are using the same venue. They're playing up the tables and hanging a lot from the ceiling, and so far I think it's going to be gorgeous. At my cousin's reception, though, they kind of back lit the room with purple lights on the floor, which looked really cool. There are so many awesome ways to incorporate lights into a wedding reception. You don't have to use just plain tea lights or taper candles. You can float them on water, hang them from the ceiling, nestle them in grass, whatever you want to do! The decorating part of the wedding might be the more fun aspect and definitely the most creative.

As for centerpieces, do something fun and pretty, but don't put so much on the table that your guests won't have anywhere to put their dinner plates. Choose the flowers you want there, and a couple of candles, and if there's still room, maybe some candy. Pick out original and unique vases that you really like. There's also no law that you have to have flowers! Make it all candy, or all candles, or whatever else. At my graduation party (or wedding) I want to have fake fireflies in jars as centerpieces with some grass around them and small flowers. Just picturing it makes me happy.

To sum up:

1. As always, keep it original, but keep it classy, too!
2. Think of ways to make the centerpieces and tables look really cool, but don't make them too busy or crowded.
3. Come up with ways to make the lighting pretty, but not harsh or too dark. 

Have a wonderful rest of your day!

Getting down to business - the Guest List.

For the past couple of weeks, I have wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hidden cave in the cliffs of Narnia and hide from wedding planning. I've mostly comforted myself with writing and listening to Disney songs on repeat, but it has done little to alleviate my new-found dislike for the details of weddings. Anyway, stepping away from my bitterness and back to the point of this post: THE GUEST LIST.

Let's just get to the meat of it. You don't have to invite everyone you've ever met. Your eighth cousin four times removed most likely isn't going to be hurt not to get an invitation, unless for some reason you are close to your eighth cousin four times removed. But that's the key thing here: invite the people you actually are close to and that you genuinely want to have at your wedding. Sure, there are some people you may be obligated to invite, such as your grandmother that once kicked your dog or your creepy uncle because your mom insisted upon it. I stress, though, that the only people you are at all obligated to invite are family members SOMETIMES.

The point of a wedding is not to have a huge party with a lot of people you don't really know or care about. The point of a wedding is to - get this - marry the person you're in love with. You don't need to invite that guy that was always in your group of friends at school but you never really talked to that much. In reality, having a smaller, more intimate wedding will be far more meaningful in the grand scheme of things. Having your closest friends and relatives for a night of happiness and cocktails is a wonderful things. Maybe later you can have a big party for your one year anniversary with the people that may not have made the original wedding list.

I've found that a lot of people are added to wedding guest lists because the bride and groom want all of the stuff off of their registry, the bride and/or groom are too sentimental, or because they just feel like they HAVE to. None of these are a good reason to have 300+ people "celebrating" your special day (taking advantage of the open bar). Chances are, you are not best friends with three hundred people. PLEASE DO NOT INVITE EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER MET. MOST OF THEM PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO BE THERE. SAVE MONEY ON CATERING AND KEEP IT TO THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT MOST.

Yep. These blogs are slowly deteriorating, along with my mind. Just snapping in half. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my brother and his fiancee. There have been many fun times. But even they'll admit that there is SO MUCH planning that they didn't expect, so many small details that need to be attended to, and it definitely does get tedious, irritating, and boring. I'm just saying to all of you planning your weddings, keep a bottle of wine near by.

The Dress.

Listening to: Maria Maria - Carlos Santana

Smooth - Carlos Santana ft. Rob Thomas

Be Still - The Fray

Good afternoon, guys and dolls! This is the post I've been looking forward to most. I'd wanted to save it for a later date, but I have zero self control, so here it is: the dress!

Dresses are what most brides - in my experience - start worrying about first. Why shouldn't they? You want to look beautiful on your special day. Obviously the dress is a key part to that. There are so many options for dresses/gowns, as well - so much that they could get a bit overwhelming. Puffy princess skirt or a very sleek, sheath shaped dress? Long train? No train? Short, long, in between? Strapless or straps or sleeves? The list goes on for days. Let's take this in steps. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Where are you getting married? Take your environment into account. If you're having a big wedding in a big, fancy place, then sure, go for the big, fancy gown. If you're having a beach wedding, opt for something more casual. If you're having a small ceremony at town hall or in a restaurant, then please do something very, very simple. I'd suggest just going to T.J. Maxx and finding something lovely, as well as something you can wear again. You'll prefer it in the long run.

2. What's your body shape, and which style of dress looks best on it? For example, if you're one of those beautiful bigger girls, an empire waist will look beautiful and flattering. If you're a tall, slim girl, then most dresses will look good on you - go for that big puffy skirt or the close-cut sheath. Shorter girls might want to consider the option of a shorter dress. Don't go for ballgowns. People will think you're drowning in the tulle. Many websites will give more insightful looks into your shape and the dress that will flatter you most. I suggest checking out Real Simple for that. Link to the site: http://tinyurl.com/6cmosmu

3. Traditional, vintage, or something modern? I know that I personally love vintage-style dresses, but a lot of girls would immediately go for the Vera Wang with the jagged, unfinished looking edges. To each their own! Get something that you love and that looks beautiful on you. It's probably going to be the first and last time you wear that dress, so make it count.

However, I'm going to suggest TRYING to find something you may be able to wear again. If you do get something fancy, though, consider giving it to a consignment shop, or else it will just be stuck in your closet for years to come. There are many consignment shops that sell wedding gowns, which brings me nicely into my next point.

Don't feel like you have to go to a David's Bridal to find your dress. There are so many other options! There are probably local formal wear businesses in or near your town, as well as bridal shops. Not only that, but CONSIGNMENT SHOPS. Check the more high end ones and look online - you may be surprised to find where they are. There are specific bridal consignment shops. Look in normal stores if you want something more casual. You may not find the white gown you always dreamed of, but you might find the blue, flowy number that becomes your new dream for the cheap price of $40. I am a huge supporter of T.J. Maxx. Always check there. ALWAYS. Like, I know they don't have vacuums or stoves or anything, but I'd still check there just to make sure I'm not missing out on a Calvin Klein original oven at half the normal price.

I'd really love to see less brides in strapless dresses and more brides in color. The white, strapless, big-skirted dress is so boring. My brother's fiancee is searching relentlessly for a blush dress because it looks nicer on her than white does. White can wash you out and take some of the natural glow out of your skin. Ivory is lovely, as well, if you still want something in that family. I'm seeing more dresses with straps or sleeves, which is great. I fell in love with Kate Middleton's dress last April. (Yep, I'm one of those weird people obsessed with the British royal family). It looked perfect on her and was just so simple and pretty. The lace was my favorite bit, and lace seems to be making a comeback in dresses since then. 

My last point is to not wait until the last moment for your dress unless you know you are buying off the rack. Alterations can take a couple of months. If you find your dream dress a week before your wedding but it needs to be altered, you are going to be one disappointed bride. So either try to find something off the rack or decide what you want as soon as you can. 

To sum up:

1. Find something that suits your body type, your personality and your venue. 
2. Don't be too ridiculous about dresses. There are more important aspects of your wedding.
3. Don't feel obligated to go to a ritzy bridal store. Think outside the box!
4. Try to find something that you like that's at least in a soft, subtle color, or accent your white dress with a sash of a different color. 
5. Don't wait until the last minute!
6. Can veils start being a thing again? 

Have a great day! Just some of my favorite dresses below. 

THE VENUE. (For whose parents are paying.)

Picture the scene for me, guys and dolls.


You get engaged to the love of your life. You are overjoyed and the first people you tell are your parents. All of you celebrate and cry and laugh and you are in a state of complete bliss. A couple of weeks pass. Your mother begins to question you on your plans: your dress, your venue of choice, the theme, the guest list, the food. A sinking sensation weighs you down.


Quickly you run to the computer and look at your checking account. More sinking. You click to your savings account. The sinking just keeps on going. You'd dreamed of a grandiose wedding since you were just a  child, and now you clearly don't have the funds. What are you going to do? This is awful, oh God oh no what am I going to do we're going to town hall aren't we yes that's right we're going to town hall this is not my Cinderella wedding AEIRAAIWEAFJNjndasw.


Dad comes over after watching your mild mental breakdown, pats you on the shoulder, and says,


"Don't worry, honey, we've been saving up for this for a few years. We have $6,000 put away, and Jimmy's parents also have some money saved up. We've got this!"


You feel relief. The bliss returns. $6,000 and then some seems like plenty to have a beautiful wedding. I mean, you're not going to be in a palace or anything, but it's still a good chunk of change. You hurriedly thank your parents and call Jimmy. The two of you get down to the business of planning. Things seem to be going swimmingly as you shop for decorations. Then you start looking at halls, dresses, suits/tuxes, and catering. Jimmy goes home, confident that everything will go smoothly. You, on the other hand, stay up until four in the morning, drinking several mug fulls of coffee, and carry on the idea of a Cinderella wedding.


You find a gorgeous, huge reception hall to hold all of your many friends that's nestled in a quiet location, beside a lake. It comes with catering! And a bar! Peacocks strut about outside and wouldn't it look lovely with a string quartet at the left side, beside the window overlooking that lake? And hey, they can almost guarantee a double rainbow over the lake. You add up the cost: a whopping $10,000. Far over your budget. And...jeez. Drinks are expensive and you really want an open bar. Would it be rude to restrict your friends to one drink each? One cheap drink each? You bookmark the site anyway, and now would be the time to please STOP.


You do not stop. You tell mom and dad, and they stare at you with some slight disgust. They gently try to tell you that it's not doable, but they will happily help you find a reception venue that's just as nice. Being a new Bridezilla, you grit your teeth, ball up your fists, and get ready for a tantrum the likes of which have not been seen since you were six years old. You stomp to the computer and show your parents. They don't even think the hall is pretty enough! They say it's tacky and that the floor looks too slippery! What's going on? This is craziness.


You put your hands on your hips and point out all of the good parts of it. They remain unconvinced. You throw your hands in the air and wail, "BUT THE PEACOCKS!" Still unconvinced. They persist in saying it's tacky and definitely not worth the money and honey, if you want to see peacocks, we can take you to the zoo...


I think what bothers me most about this situation is that your parents are PAYING FOR EVERYTHING. If they are paying, you adhere strictly to their budget, and you also take into account their opinion on the things they're buying. Ultimately, if you really love the dress, the venue, etc, and it's in the price range, then the chances are that your parents will say okay. If not, you have to listen to them because they cannot conjure money out of the air and please do not make them get a second mortgage for their house. PLEASE. DO. NOT. I know people who have done that and it's insanity.


To sum up this post:

1. Be grateful your parents are paying for this shindig. They love you and only want the best for you. I mean, they could have taken the money and gone to Aruba instead.
2. Do not try to make them pay for things that just aren't in the budget.
3. I'm sorry. Peacocks are not in most people's budgets.
4. Think of people beautiful places in your area and go to look at halls. Don't judge a place based on its outward appearance. (Deep, huh?) Check them out in person. You WILL find something lovely and also in the budget.
5. Listen to your parents' opinions. They definitely matter.
6. If you CAN pay for your wedding, awesome. Go nuts, go crazy. It's your money. But it'd still be nice to take into account what mom and dad have to say.

I'll see you guys next Monday! <3 Have a great week.